Kim Jong-Il Demands Ipod

Latest Twist in Nuke Talks Raises Eyebrows, Concerns

Mercurial North Korean dictator Kim Jong-il threw a monkey wrench into the six-party talks about North Korea's nuclear program today by demanding that the other five nations give him an Apple iPod ShuffleT.

In a morning session of the Beijing talks, the reclusive Kim told representatives of the United States, Russia, Japan, China and South Korea that if he did not receive an iPod by the end of the day he would test-launch a missile into the Sea of Japan.

Kim's latest demand took most of the diplomats by surprise, since many had expected North Korea to demand diplomatic recognition and a security arrangement with the United States in exchange for denuclearization, rather than a portable music device that retails for under $150.

At Apple headquarters in Cupertino, California, Apple CEO Steven Jobs hailed the development: 'This just goes to show that everybody wants an iPod, even one of the most insane, brutal dictators in the world.'

While some diplomats in Beijing believe that buying off the mercurial Kim with an iPod ShuffleT and possibly a gift certificate to the online Apple Music Store represented a cost-efficient way to defuse the North Korean nuclear crisis, others advised caution.

'If we give in to Kim Jong-il on the iPod ShuffleT, what's next?' said U.S. negotiator Assistant Secretary of State Christopher Hill. 'He'll want an Xbox, a PlayStation Portable and one of those cool camera phones.'

Source: The Borowitz Report