National Security

U.S. TO CREATE ONE NEW SPY AGENCY FOR EVERY TERRORIST ON EARTH

50,000 New Agencies Could Be Up and Running By Early 2020

Hoping to ramp up its efforts in the war on terror, President George W. Bush announced today that the United States would create one new spy agency for every terrorist on the planet.

The ambitious plan, which would involve the creation of over fifty thousand new intelligence agencies, could be fully implemented by as early as 2020, the President said.

'We are dealing with an enemy who is evil, determined, and will stop at nothing to destroy our freedom,' Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House. 'The only way to fight an enemy like that is with a massive new bureaucracy.'

To kick off the new initiative, President Bush authorized funds to create an agency devoted solely to hunting down terror suspect Fahd Faraj Al-tuwajari of Saudi Arabia.

With a staff of over one hundred, the Central Fahd Faraj Al-tuwajari Intelligence Agency 'will bring the fight to Mr. Fahd Faraj Al-tuwajari,' the President said.

But even as Mr. Bush launched his ambitious new program, some in Congress worried that coordinating the activities of fifty thousand spy agencies would require the creation of at least ten to twenty thousand additional 'super-spy agencies.'

Still, Mr. Bush remained convinced that even if seventy thousand new agencies are ultimately required, his proposal was the only way to protect the country: 'We must stop the terrorists before they attack us, or become President of Iran.'

Elsewhere, the singer Bobby Brown said he hoped his new reality series, 'Being Bobby Brown,' would be as successful as the last TV show he appeared on, 'Cops.' "

Source: The Borowitz Report