SE Asia

NORTH KOREA MOVES ONE MILLION CLONED CATS TO BORDER WITH SOUTH

Angry Kim Jong-Il Retaliates for Seoul's Dog Cloning

One day after South Korean scientists announced that they had successfully cloned a dog, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Il denounced the cloning procedure as 'an act of provocation' and immediately moved one million cloned cats to the border with the South.

The cloning of an Afghan pup named 'Snuppy' by South Korean scientists drew praise from biologists around the world, but not from the mercurial Kim, who believed that Seoul planned to unleash an army of cloned dogs to invade his country.

Within minutes of the scientists' announcement, Kim dispatched thousands of troop carriers carrying cloned cats to the border with the South, raising tensions throughout the Korean peninsula.

In Seoul, South Korean president Roh Moo-hyun responded to Kim's cat deployment, warning that South Korea could move as many as one million cloned Labradors, beagles and poodles to the border within weeks.

The prospect of a tense standoff between a million cloned cats and dogs in a region long considered a powder keg by the international community represented the first major diplomatic challenge for newly installed United Nations Ambassador John Bolton.

From the floor of the U.N.'s General Assembly today, Mr. Bolton offered one possible solution to the crisis in the Korean peninsula: 'If it were up to me, I'd saw off both Koreas from the rest of Asia and let them float out to sea.'

Elsewhere, President Bush overruled advisors who wanted to change the name of the "war on terror" to the "global struggle against violent extremism," arguing that the latter phrase contained words over two syllables.

Source: The Borowitz Report