Cardinals dealocked over lunch order

"The papal conclave hit a speed bump in its very first day as cardinals convening in Vatican City became deadlocked over which restaurant to order takeout from, sources said.

While the deliberations behind the walls of the Sistine Chapel are traditionally shrouded in secrecy, when the clock struck at 2 PM and no food had yet arrived, rumors circulated that the cardinals were bitterly split over where to order their lunch.

According to one insider, approximately half the cardinals in attendance were in favor of some form of Chinese takeout, while the other half favored a more unconventional choice, a tapas restaurant that recently opened in the neighborhood and that several prominent cardinals reportedly said 'looked interesting.'

Those familiar with the often heated discussions over the lunch order said that the dean of the College of Cardinals, Joseph Ratzinger, 78, tried to rein in the number of choices right off the bat by ruling out a restaurant he referred to only as 'that Thai place.'

Complicating the debate, one source said, was the fact that so many local eateries have been slipping their takeout menus under the Vatican's front door, defying a clearly posted sign warning against such a practice.

'There is some hope that sushi will emerge as a consensus choice, but that remains to be seen,' the source said, 'Compared to this, choosing a pope is going to be a snap.'

Elsewhere, House Majority Leader Tom DeLay said that he is so confident he will win his ethics fight that he just doubled his family's salary. "

Source: The Borowitz Report