Confused Immigrants Stay Home

Not Sure If They Will Be Welcomed, Shot

As President George W. Bush's policy on immigration has become increasingly confusing in recent weeks, a growing number of potential illegal aliens have given up trying to figure it out and have decided to stay at home instead.

The confusion over the president's immigration policy has been at the top of the agenda of the annual meeting of Future Illegal Aliens of America, which is gathering in Juarez, Mexico this week.

The organization, which offers travel tips, restaurant suggestions and other information for those planning to sneak across the border, spent the better part of Tuesday and Wednesday trying to decipher the president's immigration policy but with no success.

'We do not know whether we will be granted guest worker status or shot on sight by the National Guard,' said Manuel Javier Davalos, who until recently had been considering sneaking across the U.S.-Mexico border. 'Just trying to figure out the whole thing makes my head hurt.'

Mr. Davalos said he had been planning to sneak into the U.S. in order to get prescription drug benefits, but added, 'President Bush's prescription drug plan is almost as confusing as his immigration policy.'

At the White House, President Bush said that the addled response from potential illegal aliens was 'proof that my policy of intentional confusion is working.'

'By changing my policy on an almost daily basis, I have succeeded in stemming the flow of illegal aliens,' Mr. Bush said. 'It's only a matter of time before the same thing works in Iraq.'

Elsewhere, in an effort to increase his nation's birth rate, Russian President Vladimir Putin offered citizenship to Britney Spears and husband Kevin Federline. "