Strategery

BUSH VOWS TO ALIENATE REMAINING POCKETS OF SUPPORT

President Determined to Drive Approval Rating Down to Zero

In a nationally televised address from the White House last night, President George W. Bush announced several bold new initiatives designed specifically to alienate his remaining pockets of support.

Acknowledging that his approval rating currently hovers around forty percent, the president told his national television audience, 'I will not rest until I have driven that number down to zero.'

Mr. Bush said that his recent decision to let a company based in the United Arab Emirates take control of key American ports was 'an important step' in alienating the few Americans who still support him.

But the president said he began implementing his plan to drive away millions of supporters three years ago, with the invasion of Iraq: 'Based on the approval numbers I now have, all I can say is, mission accomplished.'

He added that naming Michael Brown to head up the Federal Emergency Management Agency was another crucial decision in his plan to alienate supporters: 'When it comes to driving down your approval rating, Brownie did in fact do a heck of a job.'

The president said that he was considering several new initiatives to alienate his remaining pockets of support, such as naming outgoing Harvard University President Larry Summers to a new Cabinet post, Secretary of Alienation.

'When it comes to alienating people, Larry Summers makes me look like a rank amateur,' Mr. Bush said.