Where's Osama?

DESPERATE FOR AIRTIME, BIN LADEN STARTS COVERING HURRICANES

Madman Turns Weatherman to Get on TV

Largely forgotten during the nonstop cable news coverage of Hurricanes Katrina and Rita, international terror mastermind Osama bin Laden has opted to start covering hurricanes himself in a desperate bid to get back on TV, sources close to the al Qaeda madman confirmed today.

According to an associate of Mr. bin Laden, the strategic shift from terrorism to hurricane coverage became necessary after it grew clear to the terror kingpin that the cable news outlets would not air his terror videos as long as they were committed to wall-to-wall weather reporting.

'Osama kept sending in video after video, some of his spookiest work to date, but the cable news networks wouldn't put them on the air,' the associate said. 'Considering he's the world's most wanted man, he didn't feel very wanted.'

The associate said that Mr. bin Laden seethed as he watched the networks follow the paths of destruction of the two hurricanes while ignoring the al Qaeda boss: 'There's something terribly wrong when Osama bin Laden can't get as much airtime as Anderson Cooper.'

In his latest video, Mr. bin Laden seems to have taken an 'if you can't beat 'em, join 'em attitude,' wearing a rain slicker and boots, his hair and beard blown about by gale force winds.

According to his associate, covering hurricanes was a necessary compromise to get Mr. bin Laden back on the air: 'It was either that or going on 'Dancing With the Stars.''

Elsewhere, President Bush hinted that 'diversity' would be the goal of his next Supreme Court pick, indicating that he might choose a white man with blonde hair this time. "

Source: The Borowitz Report