More powerful than the Curse of Patrick?

The Curse of Mister Hand.

This curse is powerful enough to effect the lives and livelihoods of whole professional sports organizations. How does it work, might you ask? Quite simply, any team wearing Black and Gold loses in my presence. I cannot explain it but there it is. While the underdog Habs were battling the Bruins and down 3-1 in the playoffs, a lead that heretofore had never been relinquished, it was my presence at the Fleetcenter that fateful night that turned the tide against the Cromagnon like Bruins and led to their eventual stunning collapse and exit from the playoffs. I almost blew it when the final game was played in Boston and I had the option to go. I opted to stay home instead and watch it on TV. That decision kept the game close for two periods until the natural talent of the Canadiens proved too much for their knuckle-dragging, mouth breathing competitors. Apparently the curse has a maximum effective radius.


Typical oafish Bruin? Or hapless victim of demonic forces?

It also works on the Providence Bruins. Witness their incredible losing streak when I'm in the building, now at four games-every one I've been to this season-much to the chagrin of KK, who has now taken to odd personal hygiene habits, unwashed underwear, sweaters worn inside-out, jerseys worn, jerseys not worn, beer samplers drank in exactly the same order, lucky parking spots, lucky seats and lucky sections. None of it matters. At the end of the evening he leaves crushed and broken-hearted, tears freezing on his cheeks shouldering aside little old ladies as he barrels past them in his haste to get away from the Dunkin Donuts Center. So blinded by grief his poor newlywed bride must throw herself across the hood of his car, TJ Hooker-like, to prevent him from leaving without her. Who could blame him? It's all more than any mortal man could bear.

Alas, the curse does have its own victims of friendly fire, witness the Steelers loss to the Patriots this season. Their earlier regular season victory over the Pats was, of course, not televised, giving my curse no active feed to the team in black and gold. I know I should have been anywhere but in front of a television when they played the AFC championship game, but I thought perhaps the fact that it was in Pittsburgh would mean they were outside effective curse radius. It proved a foolhardy decision on my part. On the bright side I anticipated the possibility that the curse would work against my team and so bet heavily on the Pats and enjoyed a nice windfall which helped to cushion the blow.

So fans of the Bruins, Steelers, Penguins and Pirates beware. You'll never know when I'll be watching or attending. I might even be sitting next to you and when the puck flashes past your goalie and you moan and curse the fates, I'll smile and know it was all me.